I realize that Kenny or I haven’t sent out an update in a while, so this will catch you up to what’s going on with my cancer treatments. 

A few weeks ago I started radiation.  As always, when I start a new phase in my treatment I get nervous and feel sick to my stomach. Will I be feeling ok?  Will I able to go out? How sick will I be this time? Will I finally be able to go out to a store and see what is going on in the world?

Before I had to go through this, I honestly had no idea what radiation therapy was and what it entailed.  Radiation damages cancer cells and makes it hard for them to reproduce. It also affects normal cells, but the thinking is that normal cells are able to repair themselves in a way that the cancer cells cannot, so the body gets rid of the damaged cancer cells.

The day before I started radiation I had to get a CT scan to get everything all mapped out and ready for the next day. It was very nerve wracking for me. They made a mold of my upper body so that every ...

Thank you for the outpouring of love, prayers, emails, cards, and texts this past week!  Even though I haven’t been able to respond to a lot of them, I do read them. They have literally kept me going when I want to give up and throw in the towel.

This cancer journey has been like a marathon to me (even though I have never run a marathon in my life).  It has its ups and downs and curveballs that I sure didn’t expect. It has definitely been a hard and painful week trying to figure out what to do next when we really don’t know what to do. 

The big decision we have to make is whether I should have more surgery (immediately) to remove more lymph nodes and then have radiation after that, or if I should skip additional surgery and just move to radiation now.  We have been trying to process all the pros and cons of these options and there is still not a clear “better” choice.  

We met with my surgeon again yesterday to talk more in detail about what my life would look like if I have more su...

Cancer…we all want the outcome to be packaged in a pretty bow and have a happy ending.  The truth is for some people it does end up that way, but for others of us…not so much… or at least not yet!

Ever since I was diagnosed, I have more or less had a positive attitude.  Sure, there have been lots of tough times, especially through chemo, but for the most part I thought if I followed what the doctors said, everything would work out fine.  Until now, most of my updates on this blog had a very positive and uplifting slant, but I figured I should share the raw truth about how things are going lately. 

Warning, this post will get very real… the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I was a nervous wreck all morning the day of the surgery.  Kenny and I got to Newport Beach early and we ended up walking down the pier to kill some time. We just needed a breath of fresh air before we encountered our next part of the storm.  This was so fun and I just wish the rest of the day had gone so well.

Once w...

Difficult times can define you, diminish you, or develop you. YOU DECIDE. - Jim Kwik

It’s been a while since I have updated everyone.  I’ve had many side effects since my first chemo treatment which haven’t been fun at all.  I know no one ever said this road would be easy, and it sure isn’t.  

For the first two weeks after the treatment, each day presented itself with a new side effect which I had to learn to cope with.  Aside from the ones I mentioned in my last post, one of the ones that I have been struggling with is numbness/tingling in my fingers.  It makes it hard to feel things and I drop a lot of things too.  It’s also hard to hold things in my hands for a long time.

The past 5 days, though, things have being pretty consistent with no new symptoms popping up! I have started to feel like myself again and have more energy.

This past week was an especially hard week as I started losing my hair bit by bit.  First it was sporadic and I’d notice strands of hair here and there.  T...

So, sometime back in college I started liking country music.  I’ve liked it on and off for years but the past couple of years I have really loved it.  Maybe it’s because I was going through certain rough times and I could relate or I totally understand what the artist was trying to say. 

I remember many years back enjoying the song by Tim McGraw “Live Like You Were Dying.”  In the back of my mind I always had wondered what it would be like to live like I was dying. 

What what I change in that given moment?

Would my attitude toward others change?

Have I loved well?

What friends would I want to see?

Am I seeing the people I love to hang out with now?

Are my priorities in line? 

Am I being the best wife/mother I can be?

Not that I am dying now, but I feel that during the the past 6 1/2 weeks, I have really been soaking in the words of this song. Over the last 6 weeks these words have played a huge role in what I have been experiencing and feeling.  

“And I loved deeper

And I sp...

Today was a tough day for me.  I had just come off an amazing weekend!  We attended two weddings which about 3 weeks ago I wasn’t even sure I would be able to go to.  We saw friends and family at the weddings and we were able to laugh a lot and cry. Cry about the situation I am going through and the road ahead...  On Saturday our dear friends planned an entire day of fun for us to go wine tasting.  We laughed and then laughed some more and we had the most wonderful time. I can’t remember laughing that hard in a long time.  It was good for my soul and to get my mind off what is to come.

Then today came.  I had a rough start.  I really don’t sleep well anymore. I knew I had to do something that I didn’t want to do and that I was fearful to do.  To most anybody else, having an MRI would be no big deal but to me it was a HUGE deal.  I was at a different facility this time and it was cold, and not as warm and friendly as the other facility I go to.  First they had trouble authorizing my MR...

Hello,

Thank you again for wanting to be a part of my journey and walk this difficult road with me!

Tomorrow mid-morning I will be going in for a PET/CT scan to see if the cancer has spread to any other parts of my body. I'm not going to lie but this scan has me a little more anxious than my MRI. I will need to be in there for an hour. I know it's a bigger tube but for me it's still a tube where I can't move and have to lie facing upwards this time. Before I have the scan they will inject me with a radioactive substance and I will need to sit in the dark for an hour before I have the scan.

People have asked how am I doing. Overall, I'm in good spirits but I'm emotionally and mentally exhausted. It's a lot to take in and every day presents me with new challenges and being stretched beyond my comfort zone.

Right now the song "Find You Here" by Ellie Holcomb has been exactly what I have been feeling lately. Look at the words below.

Thanks!

Kim

It's not the news that any of us hoped...