Halfway Through Radiation

I realize that Kenny or I haven’t sent out an update in a while, so this will catch you up to what’s going on with my cancer treatments. 

A few weeks ago I started radiation.  As always, when I start a new phase in my treatment I get nervous and feel sick to my stomach. Will I be feeling ok?  Will I able to go out? How sick will I be this time? Will I finally be able to go out to a store and see what is going on in the world?

Before I had to go through this, I honestly had no idea what radiation therapy was and what it entailed.  Radiation damages cancer cells and makes it hard for them to reproduce. It also affects normal cells, but the thinking is that normal cells are able to repair themselves in a way that the cancer cells cannot, so the body gets rid of the damaged cancer cells.

The day before I started radiation I had to get a CT scan to get everything all mapped out and ready for the next day. It was very nerve wracking for me. They made a mold of my upper body so that every time I have radiation I lay in it so I won’t move.  

They put little lines all over one side of my body with clear stickers on top of the markings so they won't be washed away.  There are over 15 lines/stickers on me, and this is to make sure everything is lined up and I’m getting radiated exactly where I need to be.  

When I met my radiation technicians the day before I started, they walked me through what a typical session would look like: In the reception area I scan my ID card, which opens the door. I change into a hospital gown and sit and wait until they call me back. They started showing me a bank of computers full of information that honestly I tuned out because I was getting so overwhelmed with what I was going to have to do next. I of course broke down crying due to being scared and nervous and one technician hugged me and told me I would be ok. 

I realize in this process more often than not I just want to be reassured I can do this and it will be ok. Then they had me lay down on a hard table. There I take my one arm out of the gown and I put my hand in the mold made especially for me, my face turns to the right and I get a warm blanket on the rest of my body since the room is so cold. They showed me how the radiation machine moves around me.  This was the simulation of what I was about to embark on for the next 6 weeks of my life. 30 days…

The next day, I showed up still pretty nervous. They asked me what music I wanted to listen to and of course I said Luke Bryan/country radio.  They put Pandora on and there I went into the room. I laid down on the hard table that has a sheet underneath me so they can move me to just the right angle and degree of where I needed to be radiated. I was told not to move at all and lay there as still as I could. My heart was racing out of my chest when they said “ok we are starting your treatment” and left the room. I was in there for what felt like eternity. I was listening to the music and it seemed like my time in there was never going to end. When they were done they came back in and said I’m done for the day.

After having 13 sessions I think I’ve finally found my rhythm. I have figured out that I am in the room alone for about 2 songs. When I am alone by myself in the room with the heavy door sealed shut my mind starts to wander. I have counted the loud sound of the beeps on the radiation machine and have figured out there are 11 times I get radiated. The machine starts on my left and radiates my left side first, and then the machine moves to my right side and radiates from that side and finally it moves to the center and radiates there over my chest for 3 more times. I’ve figured out that the odd number beeps are when I’m being radiated longer than the even numbers. Number 3 and 9 are the longest times where a single spot is radiated. Number 10 and 11 are the shortest.  All that to say when you’re laying there by yourself, you’ve got to do something to keep your mind occupied.

I’ve now had 15 treatments, and through these past several weeks I have been trying to learn to talk myself through all of this and calm myself down. When the technicians don’t come in right away I wonder if the door got stuck, did the machine break, did something go wrong? One day the machine moved differently than usual... Another day, all the lights turned on even though it is usually dim...I have to constantly redirect my thoughts. The Bible verse that comes to mind most often as I’m lying on the table is “I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me.” Philippians 4:13.  I repeat that verse over and over and over in my head until I am done.  

I wish I could say that it is easy by now but it honestly isn’t. It is getting a little bit better so maybe by the time I am all done I can say I’ve mastered this.  I still get fearful and a little worried about what the next several weeks will look like for me.  

One great thing is that my radiation team is so sweet and amazing! I have a great doctor who I see once a week, a sweet nurse who I see a different day during the week, and a team of 4 women who are radiation therapists who walk me in, get me into my mold each time and line me up perfectly with the grids and lasers. 

I have been feeling pretty good overall until a few days ago. I'm starting to get what looks like a sun burn. I have been using a lotion 4-5 times a day which my doctor has recommended to me to help prevent blistering. Last week I was tired but I pushed through and was ok. The past three days, however, I have noticed I am extremely exhausted. I go to radiation in the morning, do one errand, and then come home and sleep the rest of the afternoon. I have hardly any energy at this point. This is so not like me to sleep all the time. I try to remind myself I am still fighting and this is just a season/chapter in my book. My body is still very sore and tired and I move like I’m about 100 years old (especially in the morning or in the evening). 

I’m half-way done with this!  I am supposed to finish right before Christmas. This is my goal!  I was told I still have to go to radiation even if I’m sick (except the stomach flu). I’m trying to stay as healthy as I can so I can finish before the holidays.  One thing my doctor told me was that I will most likely feel the effects of being tired for 6 weeks after my last radiation treatment and even then it can last up until a year. I’m praying this isn’t the case for me.  

Thank you all for your loving kindness and support!  I am thankful for each and every one of you! It means so much to Kenny and I.  

Kimberly